Revealed; the true story behind the Essex lion

It was with great surprise I heard the word ‘lion’ and ‘St Osyth’ mentioned in the same sentence at a wedding breakfast I attended recently in Stratford. My ears pricked up because it is a place where I tutor on a regular basis at the Watershed Studio.  It seems that a large cat had been spotted in a field on the outskirts of this sleepy little town. A brave farmer approached it but it ran away.. The Essex police reacted with their usual restraint, especially when one eye-witness reported that it appeared to be smoking an electronic cigarette and was heading in the general direction of the M6. Police sirens wailed and loudspeakers pleaded with the local residents to lock and bolt their doors. I assume the police had a suspicion that it had escaped from the local zoo as these lions would be the only ones with the necessary skills required to turn a door handle, necessitating the locking and bolting etc..

One description was a perma-tanned scrawny creature with a huge mane.. a quick call to Penny Lancaster quickly eliminated Rod from their enquiries.

For the residents I think this had been one of the most exciting episodes since a villager found a hole in the middle of St Cleres Road…

Strangely enough, there had been some mysterious disappearances in the village starting with the loss of Rev’d Flowerdew. This was swiftly followed by the demise of Bubby, the irritating little terrier that wrote a regular intensely boring diatribe in the parish magazine. Some say that this is a ploy to scare off the huge affordable housing development threatened by the owners of the Priory and rumour has it that one villager has been out at night walking a great Dane with a hearthrug tied around its neck…

What has happened to this mysterious creature now is anyone’s guess, some say it strayed into Jaywick and was devoured by a pride of ravenous drug addicts, others say it is hiding in a wardrobe in the Ecuadorian Embassy, Julian Assange says ‘its Narnia business’.

What I do know is that Allisons splendid farmhouse lunches at the Watershed studio probably won’t be supplemented with lion burgers and there are no plans to run art safaris in St Osyth.

To find out more about painting holidays with me in St Osyth at the Watershed studio, follow the link;  http://www.timfisherartist.co.uk/essex.html

How to Sell Paintings to Eskimos

For a lot of artists who also teach, this time of year means that thought has to be given to outdoor painting holidays. These are mainly fraught with a concern for the forthcoming weather conditions. One option is to listen to forcaster Michael Fish and then do the opposite. Over the years, I’ve become quite an expert on rain but I’m surprised we don’t have more words for it just as the Eskimos have a huge vocabulary for snow. I’ve worked in Wales and there is definitely Welsh rain, a particular type that falls in a continuous, half bored, vertical fashion for days. Northumberland rain always seems to fall at thirty degrees in a heavy blatter, Derbyshire rain, is a horrible, misty, curling thing that messes up your glasses no matter how big a peak on your hat. Now winds is another thing, many an easel I’ve seen sailing over the horizon, leaving its bomb load of pastels to dissolve in the soft grass. Working near water, it’s especially important to make a note of wind direction. I’ve been to Rutland water on a bright day in the summer but the northerly winds have made it almost impossible to open the car doors to get out on the south shore! This week sees me preparing for my my painting holiday which takes place at the wonderfully atmospheric smugglers inn, The Lifeboat, Thornham. The first time I visited, I arrived the day before to find subjects to paint. (It’s also important to have toilets and refreshments nearby) Burnham Overy Staithe is a great coastal location and I duly found a great spot to do a demonstration to my troops. On arrival the next day, we were met at the carpark entrance by children in canoes! I’d forgotten to check the tide tables and my demonstration spot was eight feet underwater, send for the snorkel someone!!
This year we’ve learned to do a number of things to avoid difficulties. One is to lock Rosie to cat in the studio whilst we pack. In previous years I’ve had to drive all the way back from Norfolk when our neighbour, tasked with looking after Rosie has found her staring out of the lounge window, locked in the house after she sneaked back in and hid!
Anyway, this year we are going to have a great time with a super painting group whatever the weather! The variable weather last year meant that we were able to visit one inland location (Bircham Mill) for a super day of outdoor painting followed an indoor session the next day. Roll on next year with new locations and new visitors!!
To find out more about this painting holiday and others I run, visit my website ; http://www.timfisherartist.co.uk/artclassmain.html